I lay awake

It's almost 4 in the morning, the clock keeps ticking and I lay awake drifting away in thoughts and insecurities.
My mind keeps me awake, unable to enjoy the embrace of my dreams, my soul is restless and my insomnia takes control of me.
The lonely hour, the solitude of the darkness outside, the engulfing silence that shouts louder than words itself.

I don't know why I lay awake, I rather be sleeping, dreaming of better times dreaming of past moments, dreaming of endless fantasies.
So I type, away on my keyboard, trying to reach those who cant hear me, those who sleep away while I lay awake craving for slumber.

I miss the simpler times, when all I needed was to lay my head on a pillow and close my eyes, when all worried about was the silly things in life, the careless things in life.

So I lay awake, waiting for my mind to give up, for my eyes to get heavy, for my body to stop resisting, for my energy to fade away.
Take me away, surround me by the numbness, make me forget for just a few hours that the world is outside, cold, silent. Let me forget all that is wrong, all that is foul, all the keeps me awake.

I lay awake.

Crushing me

I had a dream last night, a dream about a chance already lost, of smiles and happiness. It crushed my soul to remember that touch, that smile, the warmth of your embrace.
It was a sweet dream full of sorrow, of things I sacrificed to embrace my nature, to break the chains that held me in place when my only desire was to soar.

Funny, at the time my mind was set, convinced i needed to let go to fly away and discover a world that was tempting me. Weird how you haunt me now, how my mind keeps showing me what could have been but wasn't.

I miss you, not you exactly but the idea of you. The comfort of your lips, the softness of your skin, the passion we once shared. I miss someone like you in my life, and as the time passes ever so gently all those seconds are like daggers piercing my fragile heart.

I want to break down in tears everyday, even when smiling the fullest my heart is empty, loveless, de-voided of what once filled it with joy. Its funny how easy was to let you go and how hard I cling to it at the same time.

I miss your love, I miss the feeling of being loved. I am more alone now than i ever have been, and with each day that passes the more my heart fades away.