The door.

The door is there...

Waiting for me to cross it, I have spent my whole life looking for it and now I found it, but I hesitate.
I linger in that hall looking at it, afraid of grabbing the handle and losing what is behind me.

There is a ray of light invading from underneath the door, it shows promise of what should be on the other side. For years I have longed for this, so many times I looked, I searched, I threw all that I had away for this door...

And now its here, taunting me, waiting... just waiting for my hand.

My goal is here, but after it what will be left?

I know the answer, me... and that is why I am afraid, after I cross that door I'm all that's left of the quest, and I don't know what that is, I don't know who I am, or if I can live with only that.

But I need to cross it, although I'm still scared of it, I will cross it instead of regretting.

And if there is no coming back from it so be it.

I will embrace what follows, go where ever it will take me and make the best of it.

Why you?

What to do when there's someone on your mind that you cant push away?
What to do when you crave the impossible, hope for what cant be, long for what I cant have?
What does it mean to find you now, to find you in the middle of the crossroad?

Some of the questions that haunt me right now, questions that I already know the answer to, questions that I wish I had never made.

Meeting you was the unexpected, getting to know you was more than I was prepared for.

Why now? Why here? Why you?

I see past your mask, past your wall, past all the sadness, I reach out when I know I shouldn't, I give you my hand when I know that it wont always be there.

I find myself dreaming about a future that cant exist, about the laughs and joy we could share but wont. I wonder about my decisions, my mistakes, my goals, I wonder where your life will take you, how happy you will be? I wonder what you will accomplish, wonder what will make you smile, what comforts you during the hard times, what holds you close when you feel alone, what gives you strength when you feel weak.

I wonder... that is all I can do, wonder...

You might find this strange, but I am happy to have had the chance, the chance to know you, and to fall for what is underneath. Although I try to let it go, it grabs me, it keeps a hold on my mind and refuses to leave.
You don't know but you can feel it, you don't accept it but you linger...

But I try, that is the whole meaning behind it, there is nothing else that I can do but try... that is the whole reason.